her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
