My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
