Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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