I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize