There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When did angry sex become our thing?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
