ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
