Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
