This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
