What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
