I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
