i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
