this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
