handjob tips. give me some.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's blow job season.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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