everyone is single if you try hard enough
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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