ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
How naked do you want me to be?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
