He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Randomize
