Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize