Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
