my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
