You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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