I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
