I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize