i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
