paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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