I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
