hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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