he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
