Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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