I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
