marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
