I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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