There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
