I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
