i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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