i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
