3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
