I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
