Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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