I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You smell like stripper and shame
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
