did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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