Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
