angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
