I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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