So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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