Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
