I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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