Pappa wants mamma naked
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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