Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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