i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I smell like Dick and happiness
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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