Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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