Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
