Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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