You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
