i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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