But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
