dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
