I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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