remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
