We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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