I CAN MOONWALK!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Randomize
