i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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