Your dad touched me again.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
