He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
