We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
