So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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