So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
