Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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