the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
