i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
