non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
