A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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