i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
