Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
being pregnant is like rehab
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
