It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize