I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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