There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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