remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
