I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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