I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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