At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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