I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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