I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
