Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my sisters under your porch take her home
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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