i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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