Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
