; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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