I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm like, not good at living.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
