I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
