I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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