this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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