Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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