there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
