i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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