just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
